I'm going to apologize, in advance, for the rest of this post. My life, it turns out, affects how I write, how I dream, how I bake and how I think about food. So some days, it's ridiculousness and others? Well, some days aren't quite as shiny-happy-bright. Actually, I'll occasionally hunt through my archives and laugh as I remember trying to introduce the idea of fruit + chocolate to stubborn Wisconsinites. I'll be amazed at how crazy happy I sounded, how funny, how much my words just bopped across the screen. There are not other descriptors for some of those posts - unless you think spazzy is a word, in which case - yeah, spazzy counts too. And other times, I'll just read - I can tell, from the words, when the good times were and when the bad times were.
Last Thursday was Thanksgiving. Supposed to be a good time, right? Full of family, friends, food, fun... Well, it was. Just not enough to pull me out of the funk I've been in for the past few weeks. Hell, the last few months. I've been noticing that tears will fall at the drop of a hat. I left a movie just a couple months ago sobbing - I couldn't stop. We had planned a frozen yogurt run afterwards, but I just got in the car. Ugly crying, all tears and snot and mucus and hiccuping. A few weeks later, it happened again, but not because of a movie. I don't even remember why, but I nearly passed out from hyperventilating while trying to stop my tears. It had been years since I'd cried like that. Words aren't coming when I try to write in this space, let alone engaging, entertaining, funny ones. Everything has been coming out stilted, dull, dry. Remember when I used to comment all over the blogosphere? I can't muster up the enthusiasm. Haven't been able to in months, and the last thing anyone needs is another comment saying "Wow, looks great!" or "OMG, yum!" I'm sorry, but gag me with a spoon. Even running and baking, my two fail-safes, have been, well, failing. For quite a while, I just figured it was stress. I mean, in the last year, I applied to graduate schools, got in, quit my job, moved from WI to NC, spent two months in Podunk, CA doing research, and started classes in graduate school. No surprise that I'd be a little depressed, a little down, right? Anyone with the love of order and schedules I possess would be. Right?
And there were things to cover it up - the challenge of new coursework, the fun of a new city, the craziness of wedding planning. But a few weeks ago, J and I sat down. Things needed to change. So they are - I'm adjusting medication, I'm recommitting to running longer distances again, and I'm looking into volunteer work ASAP. So these shortcakes? They've kind of slipped through the cracks. Do as I say, not as I did - top them with something that has some zing, some pop and a tartness that will contrast with these lightly sweet, slightly chocolatey biscuits. Have some leftover cranberry sauce? Use it. Dollop on some whipped cream, and you're good to go. In the meantime, I'll continue baking and try to keep things happy over here. Sometimes though, you just have to let it all out.
Last Week: Orange Berry Muffins
Next Week: Translucent Maple Tuiles